So we’re gonna get no hit tonight.  Whatever.

That went swimmingly.

So we’re gonna get no hit tonight. 

With a new record for most K’s in a game. Don’t forget that part!

The Twins turned down Lester, Ellsbury, Masterson and Bowden for Johan.

Boy, Bill Smith is dumb.

So Kay and Cone have already called Ellsbury a potential MVP and Pedroia the best player in the game? This is going to be a long night.

Lester up to 11 pitches already.

Cano had him played perfectly.

17 straight fastballs.  Bartolo is not afraid to go back to the well.

That went non-sarcastically swimmingly.

I fear Colon will have to pitch a 12-inning perfect game for the Yankees to have a chance in this one. I hope his magic arm is up to the task!

Feeling the Fat Guy Mojo. This is the summer of the Fat Guy Pitcher. The sweaty, sweaty summer of the Fat Guy Pitcher.

[11] Bubba approves this message.

I don’t know who, but some Yankee is going to put one over the Monstah on Lestah tonight.

[11] Can you feed AJ, like, 1074 cheeseburgers?

No mo no no, Lestah.

[11] Phew, I thought it was just the sweaty, sweaty summer of the Fat Guy Procrastinating Writer.

I like the idea of sending Andruw Jones up there expecting him to do, well, anything.

Also, Martin over Posada? Ballsy move. I like it, Joe!

By the way, I take it Nova did NOT get sent down yet?

Does Lester think it’s 1998, or he just that unafraid of the rest of our lineup?

He walked Andruw Jones. Hilarious.

[17] A walk’s as good as a hit, Cronin, plus he’s a huge fan of Sports Legends Revealed.  I think.

[16] Do you have a camera on me or something, and can see me putting off four articles on a Friday, like a BOSS?

Lester’s whining over pitches that are pretty clearly outside.

[23]  Yes, and yes, but I meant me.

[24] They whine the way the game is supposed to be whined at.

Seriously, Martin? Cervelli could have done THAT!

plus he’s a huge fan of Sports Legends Revealed.  I think.

I had no idea! My apologies, Andruw!

Has anyone actually heard many interviews with Andruw Jones? Is he an interesting guy?

That was wicked outside!

It was Jorge with two strikes - an out was inevitable.

This is going to make Pedro’s 17 K game look like a lazy afternoon against Gavin Floyd, isn’t it?

Man, Lester has been BEGGING for that outside corner call. Can’t believe after the ump held out so long that he finally gave him one. Still, what the hell was Posada looking at?

This is going to make Pedro’s 17 K game look like a lazy afternoon against Gavin Floyd, isn’t it?

No, the Yankees actually led that game.

I could watch that fat whiny cheat hit into double plays all day long.

Fuck the Red Sox. They are going down tonight, down like a lady of the evening.

I like bunts that are hits.

What’s up with Nuneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey’s helmet?

Bunt again, Jetes!

hell yeah, nuney is to the bunt base hit as mount rushmore is to chiseled faces.

i’m super drunk, and here for your entertainment!!

Nunez is going to get plunked for showing up Lester by bunting for a base hit. That’s not the right way to play the game, Nunez! You were supposed to pop up!

Schteeve masters similes like the Queen of England’s Master of Horse masters horses.

What’s better than a drunken game thread?

it would be awesome if Derek was on roids. Then the tabloids could do a whole, Derek Cheater, thing.

I’ll let you know later, first I need to eat enough food for three people in honor of Colon.

Oy vey, with the ground balls.

oh Jeter.

Jeter felt like he owed Lester that second out, huh.

Jeter was goddamn determined that there were going to be two outs immediately after his AB.

G D it. I need someone to give us a big lead before I feel sanguine.

Well that was annoying.

Jeter was pissed he didn’t get doubled up on that ground ball.

Jeter runs like he’s 37.

poor baserunning from Cap’n Crunch, two days in a row. and we can’t be fucking around with these bean towning mother lovers either.

The Brett Lawrie era opened up with an RBI single in his first at-bat.

if lester loses to colon tonight, which he will, ha ha ha ha. also why is spirulina still considered a superfood, seems goofy to me.

How come Josh Reddick looks just like Pedroia in his GD pic?  Do all white guys look alike?

white guys are all the same, speedy singles hitters.

I know i’m blasted on whiskey, but I’m just gonna put this out there…I might under the right circumstances, blow Robertson. Sorry if RLYW standards and practices needs to throw a flag on that.

Now I am fascinated to learn what would entail the “right circumstances.”

Somebody get Robertson to wherever Schteeve is, stat.  Also a photographer.

Red wine and satin pajamas.

Did Ellsbury spend any time in the DR over the winter?

Or satin wine and red pajamas, whichever is more uncommon.

Goddamnit.

Fahk.

That was bad, but it is also pretty BS that Colon has to be, like, perfect to have a chance in this game.

Well, that blows (in a non-Schteeve/Robertson way).

Now I am fascinated to learn what would entail the “right circumstances.”

I think “blasted on whiskey” is at least part of it.  Also guessing Enya playing in the background.

It would be cool if Tex could like maybe do something good against the Red Sox this season.

Ok, here’s the deal. The Yankees are going to score 4 runs in this game. The pitching staff needs to tea bag their way to less than 4.

So this is what it is like to watch someone be “pwned.”

[71] You’re even more drunk than I imagined.

[72] Normally, you need Xbox Live for it.

If the Yankees don’t win this game. it’s a 1-2 series. Therefore this is the most important game of the year.

Cano will be a pie taster tonight. Mark my words weezy…..MARK THEM!!!!

[75] I think it’s Jones going over the Monstah tonight.

74, i’m like…irresponsibly drunk. Words that may be used to describe my current state:

Tanked
Blotto
Hammered
Shitfaced
Beyond Shitfaced
Sheenesque
HangingwithDavidWells

I think I’ve posted this here before but I’ll do it again, I work with an insanely cute girl who went to Prom with Youlikis. And that’s fucking inexcusable.

bleh.

Apparently the Fat Guy Mojo can cancel itself out.

At least Crawford still sucks.

That’s just big papi, doing what big papi does because he’s big papi and that’s his name-big papi.

But yeah, this 2-0 deficit feels sort of like the 2-1 deficit the Yankees faced against Pedro back in 1999.

Can anyone recall who hit the 2-run homer to put the Red Sox ahead? Also, an easier question - who hit the home run that was the Yankees only hit of the game?

It’s Andruw Jones, Lester, he’s not going to do anything to you. Just throw him strikes.

That was Chili Davis on the Yankee side, wasn’t it?

Doubly hilarious. Another walk of Jones.

Yep, Dave.

[83] Chili had the only hit for the Yanks. Was it Millar for the Sox?

[83] Trot Nixon?

[83] Ted Williams?

[89] You may be remembering the Trot Nixon solo shot off of Clemens in his and Pedro’s year 2000 duel at Yankee Stadium.  Top of the ninth…I think Clemens finished with 13 Ks and Pedro did with 9…and the Sox won 1-0.  I was at that game…that was a pretty damn good game.

that’s Joba’s fault.

Jones’ baserunning was right up there with some of the worst baserunning of Jorge Posada. What the fuck was he thinking there?

You may be remembering the Trot Nixon solo shot off of Clemens in his and Pedro’s year 2000 duel at Yankee Stadium.  Top of the ninth…I think Clemens finished with 13 Ks and Pedro did with 9…and the Sox won 1-0.  I was at that game…that was a pretty damn good game.

I dunno, I sort of hated it.

Fundamental baserunning is for chumps and losers, anyway.

What the hell was Jones thinking?  Just because Posada is up to the plate doesn’t mean you have to run like him on the bases.

Girardi really needs to shut down Posada’s pre-game base-ruining review sessions.

What the hell was Jones thinking?

I can’t possibly imagine. It just boggles the mind that he thought that that was definitely a hit.

This team is mind bogglingly bad on the basepaths.

The guy who homered in the Pedro game was none other than the Yankees’ old friend, Mike Stanley (in his second tour of duty with the Sox after the Yankees traded Tony Armas Jr. for him in 1997).

Here’s something that absolutely blew my mind. Do you know what team Mike Stanley played the most games for?

The Boston Red Sox.

Isn’t that nuts?

I mean, when you examine it critically, he was an everyday player for the Sox as a DH while he was a C for the Yankees and Rangers, so he would get into less games, but still, that just sounds so wrong.