[0] “The phrase “re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic” comes to mind.”

Banuelos to the DL with a sore elbow.

[0] I prefer “polishing the handrails” myself.

And Robertson won’t be back on Sunday.

I’ll feel sooooooo much better when Gardner’s out there.  I mean, Iguana’s bat has been a pleasant surprise…and yet.

[2] Maybe “greasing” instead of “polishing”?

That was a truly terrible pitch.

Just a few more games and we’re going to go right past tedium and straight into the giggling disbelief of absurdity.

[5] I don’t think those are handrails.

Ugly luck

Whatever happens, I at least feel better in this moment that Iguana’s up.

oh look, the yankees gave up runs in the first.

[11] And then failed to get a hit with RISP!  I really do love the variety.

This about sums up this season: down by 2 with 8 innings to play and yet this is a wholly insurmountable lead for this “offense” to overcome.

“There are guys hitting worse than he is in those situations,” Girardi said. “But because I can’t hit seven-ninths of this lineup in the 12th through 19th positions, sending up ghost hitters in the crucial middle of the lineup and hoping that opposing pitchers just walk them, Teix will hit seventh.”

Wait, is this an MLBTV thing, or did the YES broadcast really freeze on a shot of a patch of mud instead of showing the actual game? Because that’s ... oddly poetic.

If you’re still watching Yankees game, you deserve to suffer.

Will the Yankees ever score a run again?

Cano is so lazy.

Igawa I mean Kuroda isn’t looking too good.

Kuroda is not good at NL East pitching.

6/60 we’re due or not.

Bases loaded, no outs, 345 up, we should feast.

Is this where the squirrel pulls the cork out of Thor’s ass?

I’d call a DP here but that would mean they might score a run.

Now I can call the DP.

If a DP comes next I’m putting the Mets on.

Ok, NOW you’re safe for the DP.

Was hoping for a productive double out there

Do they Yankees think they’re already in the postseason or something? Not sure what else could explain this historic level of hitting suck.

Fitting that Yankee Stadium looks like a moor right now. Macbeth is less cursed.

bleh

No need to worry about Yankee mediocrity, we’re downright terrible.  This is ALMOST funny, ALMOST.

I think Paulino sorta looks like a fat Latin late-career Rocket.

At least Paulino has thrown a Hughesian amount of pitches?

The cork remains.  The cocktease has graduated to the 3rd inning?

This team is not boring.  They are disastrously entertaining.

Ibanez needs to bat 3 or 4, he’s the only one not terrified to hit with RISP.  Second time in a row this has happened.

Most of the team looks like the proverbial deer in the headlights.  Total chicken shit hitting.  Time to watch Mad Men.

[37] you mean 3-4 places in the lineup, right?

[38] That ep has a ‘66 Jaguar XKE and an amazing Don and Joan sequence. Far and away the better choice.

Chavez seizing an opportunity to be stranded on an entirely different base.

Why would the 20 fans in attendance cheer a Yankee getting into scoring position?

[30] Guess it’s Shakespeare Day at RLYW.  No Bard jokes though.

So I’m thinking we should boycott all the Yankees’ sponsors to protest their crap team.  Who’s with me?

The only thing worse than watching this team is listening to sterling and waldman trying to explain why the Yankees are just in a funk and the problem for Kuroda is just that AL teams are better offensively than NL teams.

No reasons for WOE, though.

40 effing Time Warner didnt put yesterday’s Mad Men on demand yet.  On a related note their HD software is maddeningly unresponsive.

[44] Does it count if I already don’t go to Mo’s?

[46] No waiting on BitTorrent.

WTF Teixeira?

HOW HARD WAS IT TO SIGN DARVISH? HOW FUCKING HARD WAS IT?

[50] he would have sucked, too.

51. Yeah, you’re right. Kuroda would have signed with the Mets and gotten off to a 9-0 start in this alternate reality. Also, I’d be wearing a Wizard hat while typing this message.

[46] Comcast pulled that shit with Shameless a couple of times this past season. WTF did I turn this game on? Oh yeah…Clay Rapada going for a win.
How weak was Corroder?  Is there any hope against Felipe Marichal?

Great.  A runner in scoring position with no outs.  Yippee.

53. He looks like another guy who turns to goo against left-handed hitters. In the mold of bad Fuse, Harvey Vazquez, and A.J.

[52] Do you really think we’re buying that you’re NOT wearing a wizard hat right now?

What a job by the bullpen. The Yankees should be sellers at the deadline and dealing their relievers is a pretty good idea.

What a horrible play!

I really thought Swisher would come through there.

You know, if you were the kind of person who roots against our players, you’d be pretty happy right now.

Tex looking good as usual. Jaysus H Rivera.

I really thought Teixeira would come through there.

Glad they were able to take full advantage of that leadoff double to lower their RISP performance.

If a Yankee starter faced the Yankee lineup, who’d blink first?

High K-rate hitters delivering.

In the offseason, this front office thought it would be a good idea to:

1. Pass on Darvish
2. Trade their top asset for a young pitcher instead
3. Offer Russell Martin a contract extension

6/67 now, which means we need a hit with RISP soon to stay on our 6/60 pace.

And that’ll do it. So long and thanks for all fish.

[66] I kind of agreed with all 3. Full disclosure. Wow… Frenchy vs. Fredo worked out well.

when I meant relief pitching I did not include Freddy Garcia, obviously

Speaking of throwbacks to earlier times of Yankee futility, here I sit in my underwear drinking Miller High Life watching the Royals toy with the Yankees.

It’s like high school never ended.

I forgot Garcia was still here…

This isn’t the worst team in baseball, but it’s GOT to be up there on the frustrating scale.  I rooted for rain, but just not enough of it to help.  Sigh.

[70] Fredo’s more valuable to the team as a starter, where he doesn’t bring down the statistical performance of the bullpen.

They are going to torment us with GBA for the rest of our lives, aren’t they ?

DNYS is our Gitmo.

[66] the roots go back farther than this last off-season.

[74] yep, big stein loved that song.

Does anyone like polenta? I can’t stand the shit. I don’t like cornbread either.
I do like some Korn tunes.
Corn on the cob yes indeed. Frozen, canned or even creamed I like the corn.
Dude at work told me he hates hummus. I love hummus. Big fan of the garbonzo am I. I dig the lentil too.

I have had polenta that I’ve enjoyed, but it’s much easier to make when it’s terrible.

[57] I’m not sold on blowing up the team, but one thing the Yankees have done well over the last 5-6 years is develop decent relievers. Which makes signing Soriano all that more perplexing. And giving away Aceves for nothing.

6/67 is a statistical miracle on a par with Dimaggio’s streak. If a team figures to hit 250 conservatively with RISP whats the probability they would succeeded 10% of the time over a sample size of 60.  Can anyone compute that? Perhaps this team is scared shitless and its not a matter of numbers.

[79] The most fertile breeding stock for quality relievers is failed starters.

[79] Why not become sellers and try to rebuild? This team will be far worse in 2013, so why don’t become sellers at the deadline and let your FA walk after this season and the next?

The Yankees could rebuild in less than 3 years. By 2015 they will be younger with more upside, rather than having too many old players signed to big contracts

Fredo’s nothingball is just no longer capable of fooling ML hitters.

And the townies fight back from a 5-0 deficit.  Wish we had some fight or heart.

Union Sq Cafe makes delicious polenta.

Not a fan of a total rebuild. Let me put it to you like this: We can trade Cano and Granderson for can’t miss position prospects like Matt LaPorta and Mike Taylor.

I chose frozen brussel sprouts to accompany the delicious striped bass I was served this evening. She made polenta… I was ” You know I’m not eating that shit”. I nuked the sprouts, had a large sheet of matzoh and the fish. Large bottle of Lagunitas Hop Stoopid ale. Still working on the ale. This game… So does anyone like big tough katts? I have tales. Any Hendrix fans out there?

[85] No. But don’t sign them when they hit free agency. Save the money and take the picks

Hey everybody ! Remember when people were boo-hooing like little girls over Freddy being denied his right to a spot in the rotation ? You know, back before the season actually started, and there was hope and unicorn poop and rootbeer floats are far as the eye could see ?

[85] yeah I don’t trust the idiots runnng the front office to acquire the right prospects, either.

We are now less than 30 minutes away from being tied for last with the Townies. Savor these last few minutes of smug superiority, because this is where our season crests.

87. I can get on-board with that. Cano and Granderson both have options. I would keep both for 2013. If the Yanks suck in 2013, then yeah, it might be time to start over. This year they should probably stand pat.

I just want to mention this: Swisher’s situational hitting makes me sick. Thanks.

Maybe Girardi can have Teixeira pitch the end of the game? It can’t be worse than his hitting.

[80] Assuming .250 batting average, probability of more than 6 hits in 67 at bats is 0.99919…I’m just going to assume this is all on purpose.

Very few people know this but Ton Loc’s Wild Thing is a blatant rip off of Van Halens Jamies Crying. It’s also a much better song.
Who can tell me the classic rock tune Ton pirated for Funky Cold Medina? Again. Mr Loc’s song was an improvement.

Mr. Loc was in “Heat” and “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” An ecletic career.

Now the 5’8 Collins works a second inning in the rain while his teams leads by 6. Yost is an amazing manager.

Seven run comeback?

Welcome to another episode of “How will the Yankees embarrass themselves tonight?”

Stat padder.

[94] Don’t forget the classic “Ford Fairlane”. Whats the song Matt? You should know it.