I don’t get Henderson Alvarez.  The guy throws an average fastball of 93 mph and has hit as high as 98 mph.  Despite that, he’s striking out three batters per nine innings.

He confuses me too. I picked him up for my fantasy team earlier this year thinking that with his stuff and control, he’d improve on his 2011 K numbers, instead he went backwards AND started walking more people. Irritating. He is no longer on my roster, Phil Hughes on the other hand is, because I’m a stubborn bastard.

I’m familiar with the Hekatonkheires, hundred-handed sons of Earth from Greek mythology; I guess Toronto is more modest.

A-Rod is DH’ing tonight due to stiff neck, Chavez at 3B, as per Hoch.

Is there a speedy, defensive whiz OF on the trade market?

Don’t have to shoot for the moon. The just need someone who is a better defender than Iganez and can post a > .300 OBP against RHP. So, essentially any LHH in the MLB, and many in AAA, who have played LF before, or even watched a baseball game and seen someone play LF before.

He confuses me too. I picked him up for my fantasy team earlier this year thinking that with his stuff and control, he’d improve on his 2011 K numbers, instead he went backwards AND started walking more people. Irritating. He is no longer on my roster, Phil Hughes on the other hand is, because I’m a stubborn bastard.

You should pick Alvarez back up for tonight’s game. You’ll be in first place by the end of the night….

I’m familiar with the Hekatonkheires, hundred-handed sons of Earth from Greek mythology; I guess Toronto is more modest.

Edward Fortyhands.

Brett Lawrie as Edward Fortyhands.

Something about Lawrie really bothers me. Now that I’ve seen that unfortunate picture, I know what it is.

Removing duct tape from one’s hands seems insanely painful. Also I would have to pee well before completion and that wold get messy.

according to wikipedia, you have discovered the point of the game.

Jays are a shifty bunch, aye?

Shocking.

Youk scored against TWN. I have no idea to root for here. Meteor? Meteor.

Guess Nick took the criticism about not taking enough pitches this year to heart.

12 I want him to have a big year to piss off townie fans.  Hatred of townies >> dislike of Youk.

[8] My friends had the “bright” idea of playing the game with diapers on. They are stupid. The correct strategy is to play the game without clothes. And with hot chicks.

[15] Drinking to stupor, public urination, nudity, and hot chicks.  Hmm.

[15] Nothing ladies love more than a game of Edward 40Hands. Almost as much as Century Club and Circle of Kings.

[15] Interesting fact: this strategy is also extremely effective when “doing the hanky panky.” Although some may want to do a little less of the “shake it all about.”

[6] Oh.  Learn something new every day.  Spend the rest of your life trying to forget.

Martino !!

Martino!

Chug a martini when Russell homers, there’s a drinking game.

[22] I don’t even think that qualifies as casual drinking.

Oops, I meant a pitcher, in the spirit of [6].

[Since my first joke didn’t go over.]

[24] Much better. The best drinking games carry a 50% risk of severe alcohol poisoning.

[25] But [22] qualifies as complaining.

[7] See Colby, Rasmus.

Honest to god, I have no idear which is his first name.

Colby Rasmus=young Carrot Top?  Or slightly older Shaun White?

Not even warning track power.

A-Double.

Double dose of dose doubles

[28] There’s something creepy-80’s-puppet-horror-movie going on there. Like he’s a cross between Rankin Bass claymation and

Holy shit. There’s a guy in the stands who lost a serious bet, and had to pay off by going to the stade dressed as Waldo. That, or he’s got someone chopped up in his van.

[32] I see that.

How is Toronto’s bullpen?  Because we’re going to see it soon.

[12] I would only root for a meteor strike on Fenway if I were reasonably sure Jonathan wasn’t working the game.

[35] What do you need, like 60-75 percent certainty?

[35]  Sometimes sacrifices need to be made.

Ump is really squeezing both pitchers.

Gopher Phil finally showed up.

Hughes was avoiding Lind for good reason.

[36] Hmm… I think I should probably restate [35] as “I would always root for a meteor strike on Fenway, so long as I had no reason to believe Jonathan was there. Or if I forgot that he might be. Either way.”

Ibanez should be traded. Maybe some team want him

What about trading Cust or Branyan?  They might be worth a low-level prospect from, say, the A’s.

What’s sillier ? Andy Pettitte on the DL but sitting in the dugout with a broken leg, wearing the home uni, or 60 year old managers and coaches sitting in the dugout wearing the home uni ?

“Scout” told me that Henderson Alvarez was going to fade after 75 pitches, but now “he” tells me he has “plenty in the tank.”  ???

I guess I shouldn’t have said anything about Alvarez’s K rate.

“scout” also says the 3-0 count was dangerous for Alvarez.  Clearly “he” has not “scouted” A-Rod this season.

Really playing with fire by not scoring some more. Gopher Phil is still out there…

I was about to call HR.  Close.

Hey offense, how about some runs?

Scout may well be Francissa doing a side gig.

[34] Have we chewed up the Toronto bullpen yet?

DFA Ibanez

Seriously, this team has to rank very high in the GIDP department.

Ibanez loves GIDP.

Shockmaster?  More like suckmaster, amirite?

QS loss coming up for Phil.

[56] Yes, this reminds me. I think it would be better in German. So, “der Schochmeisster”.

.319 wOBA for Ibanez with the worst defense of all time.

[58] is unfair to Nunez, and I don’t think we should stand for it.

Seriously, this team has to rank very high in the GIDP department.

Fourth in the AL in DP heading into tonight, but sixth in DP%.

Take Hughes out right now

Get him the win dammit.

Take Kate out right now

Ibanez is not in Nuney’s class.  Or Duncan.

What a play!

Robertson is so wild in the strike zone since he came back from the DL.

Edward Brokenhands

89 mph FB from D-Rob

Robertson has nothing

Pull Robertson against the lefty?

Lind has a pig nose. Or snout, whathaveyou.

IBB to Cano is a no brainer

This would be a good time for Robbie to hit one of those home runs he was saving from Kansas City.

First and third, one out.  This is going to be brutal.

Septimo Septi-blows in Fenway.

Where have I seen this set up before?

I think you have to go with the double steal here, no ?

Its not October Nick

Why dont they limit those conferences?

Holy Farns. Really Swish? Eff you

See (13)

October came early for Nick

PLEASE TAKE A STRIKE HERE, RAUL.

DFA Ibanez.

Down goes Frasor ! Down goes Frasor !!

Iguana !!

The Shockmaster! Heading towards August!

Holy effen pelican beaks!!

OR HIT IT OUT!!!!!

Good thing he made it past the all-star break.

Thank you kindly, lizard.  That’ll do.

[86] Excellent.  I’ll even overlook - well, whatever.

Lets DFA Ibanez cause Branyan and Cust project to be so effing good

Iguanez walks the earth!

I’m not shocked at all

So, did he swing at ball four there?

I was just tuning in here to wonder why the lowest OBP guy in the lineup was hitting in almost the highest leverage situation possible, but fortunately I was a bit late.

That 40 game streak of 3 or more runs scored is amazing given how horrible this team’s offense is.

[97] Nice.